Starting over isn’t easy but it’s essential to getting your life back on track. I can’t speak for everyone else but I can speak for myself and I know very well that when I give my heart to someone, it’s for the long haul not just a temporary fix or settling until the right person comes along.
Personally, I would much rather be single and fuel my self-growth than to be with the wrong person and set myself back further. I’ve learned over the years that there is no way a relationship will last if you go into it half-ass… Plain and simple!
You absolutely, must without a doubt, be whole with yourself first 100%, before you can even consider going into a relationship with anyone else. Otherwise, it’s doomed to fail from the beginning. Guaranteed.
YOU complete you. Not anyone else. And when you are complete, your relationship with someone else will be complete and more extraordinary than you’ve ever imagined.
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So, let me ask you this…
Would you get into a relationship if you knew it wasn’t going to last?
Many of us, if given a crystal ball, would look back and wished it never happened. Those last days, weeks or months leading up to the end would be something you never want to recall, crushing off that relationship completely.
There’s no point in falling for someone if it’s going to end THAT badly.
Or is there?
It goes without saying that breakups are bad. Divorce is even worse.
When a relationship ends, you may experience depression, anxiety, insomnia, skin flare-ups, aches and pains, drastic weight loss or gain, or illness.
One cardiologist reported seeing a greater incidence of heart attacks in people who’d recently broken up.
Breaking up can literally break your heart.
But have breakups been given a bad rap?
Is it really true that the only worthwhile relationships are those that we think last forever?
Ty Tashiro and Patricia Frazier from the University of Minnesota believe that we’ve overlooked the possibility of achieving “positive life changes following relationship breakups.”
In a 2003 study of broken-hearted undergraduates, they found evidence that breakups spurred personal growth, particularly in women.
If it’s too soon to stomach the idea that a breakup could be a good thing, this article is not for you. Go watch this video instead.
Has this ever happened to you or someone you know?
You broke up with someone you really liked.
Determined to prove that he/she made a huge mistake by letting you go, you embarked on a mission to become a “new you.”
You started an exercise program, bought new clothes, and filled your life with a whirl of social activities.
Even though thoughts of your ex snuck in at times, you forcibly kept your mind on the future and your amazing life ahead.
You refused to let him/her make you sad or bring you down any more.
It’s very possible that this new life you created for yourself is better than the old one in every way.
Which means that the breakup wasn’t a bad thing, but rather something good.
Breaking up can change your life for the better.
In the breakups=bad and relationships=good equation, it’s easy to forget that not all relationships have a positive impact on your life.
He/She may not be the best influence.
Even though you may love someone very much and treasure his/her presence in your life, he/she may not be the best influence.
Having a partner who likes eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching television on his/her time off can impact your health, if you choose to join him/her in those activities.
A partner who is often angry or negative can increase your stress levels.
Your partner can also influence whether or not you pursue your dreams.
If he/she thinks your career goals are silly or unrealistic, or if he/she thinks it’s a waste of money to go back to school, you may put your dreams on the back burner.
It’s hard to see all the ways in which your choice of partner is affecting your life until the relationship ends and you’re free again.
As scary as being on your own may seem, being single gives you the chance to rediscover who you are and reconnect with yourself.
The Silver Lining
Rediscovering yourself is part of the secret for getting over a breakup.
You can eat what you want, listen to your own music, and watch what you want on television, even if no one else shares your tastes.
You can spend your free time exactly as you like. You don’t have to change for anyone.
No wonder Tashiro and Frazier found that women grow so much after a breakup.
Relationships, as wonderful as they feel, can be limiting. Finding yourself single again can be self-empowering.
Perhaps breakups aren’t the demon everyone has made them out to be.
Perhaps breakups are the wisest teachers.
You might even say that it’s worth getting into a relationship that doesn’t last, because of the self-knowledge and strength you’ll gain from the experience.
Even if you had a crystal ball, would you still say yes to those relationships that ended badly?
Can you think of any benefits you experienced from breaking up that you wouldn’t have got any other way?
Not all breakups ruin your life. Some breakups make your life.
Remember, life is always happening FOR you, not “To” you. 😉
So, if you’ve found yourself single again, use this time to learn everything you can about yourself, your tastes, and the kind of relationship you want next. You now know what you want and what you don’t want so focus on that which you want and all will fall into place perfectly.
And after giving yourself enough time to reconnect and rediscover who you want to be moving forward, it won’t be long before your person shows up – The one who makes you come alive and makes your heart sing.
To help with the signs and getting it right the next go around (hopefully the last), here is a secret you’ll want in on.
It’s a secret about the way men think.
Not just men but some women think just the same.
Coming from dating and relationship coach, James Bauer, this one simple idea has been tested with thousands of women who wanted to win back the affections of a man or spark a connection with someone new.
He’s created a short video to explain what he discovered and why it helps women create the relationship they want.
Here’s the link to go watch the video now with what has the power to forever change your relationship with your future partner.
Want to dive in more? Click here to take it a step further.
I’m excited to be sharing more on the topic of self-help and what better way than to create a series you can easily refer to and use as a guide to help you along your journey of self-discovery.
It’s a journey I highly recommend and a total game-changer for your life – One that you will forever be grateful for.
Rhoades, G. K., Dush, C. M., Atkins, D. C., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2011). Breaking up is hard to do: The impact of unmarried relationship dissolution on mental health and life satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(3), 366-374. doi:10.1037/a0023627
Tashiro, T., & Frazier, P. (2003). “I’ll never be in a relationship like that again”: Personal growth following romantic relationship breakups. Personal Relationships, 10(1), 113-128. doi:10.1111/1475-6811.00039
Perilloux, C., & Buss, D. M. (2008). Breaking up Romantic Relationships: Costs Experienced and Coping Strategies Deployed. Evolutionary Psychology, 6(1), 147470490800600. doi:10.1177/147470490800600119